One Million Moms - and Television

I still spend a lot of time working out. Okay, when it’s a good week. Sometimes, I spent a lot of time on the couch. It’s definitely not like the “old days,” where I’d work out to the point of death, or stand toe-to-toe with the likes of Vin Diesel and stare him down for the Smith Machine, because he was taking too fucking long with his sets. But, I still work out, a lot. So, I like to have a variety of stuff to watch on the ol’ iPad machine. (Couch binging requires the same thing, by the way! Don’t judge)


This can pose a problem. When you have hours to kill, binging takes on an entirely new meaning. Sometimes a drama will do. Sometimes, a movie. Sometimes, you want a comedy. And, don’t get me started about how everything is shot in dark, moody lighting with dramas these days. You can’t fucking SEE anything, especially with an iPad. It’s so frustrating on treadmill. I’ve watched entire seasons of shows, not even sure who’s in them, because I watched it at the gym. Yes, I know that rant made me sound at least a million years old. But, would it kill a director to turn on light?!


Anyway, one of the main sources I use to select good, new shows for my “to watch” list, especially comedies, is One Million Moms (OMM).


Hear me out, because I realize how insane this sounds considering who I am: bleeding heart atheist liberal.


If you are unfamiliar with One Million Moms, they are famous for two things:


1.     Being famously incapable of counting to one million

2.     Being really good at getting offended about everything


So, it stands to reason that if they dislike something, calling it morally corrupt, or damaging to our children…..



…then, it might have a shot at being pretty funny. The other day, I found a comedy I’d have skipped over: Single Parents, for example. It’s your basic laugh-track, predictable comedy, but it’s got some good jokes; and it doesn’t require tons of concentration, which is perfect for the gym. I also have been enjoying A Million Little Things, but it’s a little heavy on the whole suicide angle, for someone with severe depression, sometimes. Plus, it’s not exactly always peppy gym material, so I take it in metered doses, despite how much OMM hates it because it has a gay pre-teen.


Other little-known fact about me: I skip most new shows because I can’t stand the heartbreak of one-season shows. Just as I get committed, and willing to settle in, they get cancelled. It’s devastating. There was a show, a few years ago, with Matthew Perry, where he was in some grief group, that I was just getting into, and BAM! Cancelled. Damn. I’m still not over it. He was making some real break-throughs. Emotional growth, quashed!


I like watching my shows over and over again. This is a trait that Bryon adores (we need a sarcasm font, and we need it now!). For example, he thinks it’s plumb adorable that I consider the characters of The Office my close personal friends…not the cast, the characters. I feel I’m not alone in this. Don’t others watch the same “comfort” shows, over and over (Friends; The Golden Girls; The Office; and new to the repertoire, Brooklyn 99 – welcome)?  


Anyway, One Million Moms didn’t like Single Parents, and asked Capital One to pull their commercials from the show because….wait for it…a parent hugged their child while cussing. This is early prime time, so I can’t imagine the cuss was that bad. In fact, I watched for it, and didn’t even notice it, so it must’ve been something as benign as “crap.” Well, fuck me. What a load of shit on a cracker.


They also strongly dislike American Housewife, a show I enjoy about 75% of the time, for gasp, the same reasons they have issue with it. I think there’s a line between being funny, and being a shitty mom. So. Much. Yelling. But I also get the idea that it’s my thing to not be into that joke because I’m not a fan of the yelling because of my personal hang-ups. Others may think it’s a hilarious take on the situation. That’s the beauty of art and entertainment. Don’t like it, don’t watch it.


I bought art for my home that I liked, not that someone else forced me to like, or that was censored. A-R-T. People don’t often think of sit-coms, or even the one-hour drama as art, but it is. Media is a representation of who we are as a people. It represents the very society in which we live, at a foundational core. Censorship of media is censorship at its very basic level. So, OMM, thanks for helping me ignore your attempt at creating your very own banned books list.


I refuse to subscribe to their page, for fear of what other pages I’ll be linked to, so I just hit them up once a month or so. I also read Faithwire, and several other crazy-pants right-wing sites like Breitbart. For good measure, I read Huffpo and Mother Jones with my NYT. Still, One Million Moms is the only place to get really good recommendations about what to watch that isn’t all, “watch this revival of Jesus Christ Superstar,” or “there’s a weird production of Waiting for Godot on PBS tonight!” I’ll take my anti-recommendations any day.


P.S. You should read what they think of some show called Lucifer. Their pearls and panties may never come unknotted.